My grandparents, being as cool as they are, gifted me a pay-as-you-go cellphone from Net10 Wireless. How cool, I thought, as I opened it up and activated it, a cellphone to call my very own.
Oh, but fate has all kinds of twists up its sleeve! For you see, when I proceeded to set up my voice mail, I discovered that my brand new phone lacked a working microphone! Woe betide me, something is wrong with my brand new phone and I can not speak to those whom I reach out to! Kind of defeats the purpose of having a cellphone, in my opinion...

What course of action did I have? Why, I could call the free tech support and ask them for advice in solving my silent-phone-syndrome! Of course, it all sounds so simple...what could possibly go wrong?

I called the 877 number, secure in the knowledge that I'd get help with returning my phone for a replacement model. What follows is paraphrased from the wonderful time I had getting my problems laid to rest:

[color=#FF8888]Me: doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: *ring ring ring*[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: (wonderful automated menu bs...finally waded through all the crap to get a real live person!)[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "Hello, un' welc-am to da Net10 wireless su-vice technical supp-owt. How may I he'p you?"[/color]
[color=#FF8888]Me: "Yeah, I'm having a problem with my cellphone, when I talk into it, no sound is heard by the person I'm calling. I found this out when I went to record my voicemail message and the phone acted as though it could not hear what I was saying."[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "Alright, ma' I pleese have yur cell ph-own's IMEI numba'?"[/color]
[color=#FF8888]Me: *tells lady my cellphone's serial number*[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "So fo' clarifahcation, dat numba' was *serial number*".[/color]
[color=#FF8888]Me: "Yes"[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "So da praw-blem seems ta be witch yer voy-ce may-le."[/color]
[color=#FF8888]Me: "Well, the problem is with my phone's microphone, its not picking up anything, so a byproduct of that is my voicemail not working."[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "So da praw-blem seems ta be witch yer signal strenth."[/color]
[color=#FF8888]Me: "...no, that can't be right, because when I call a landline, a HOUSE phone number, they can't hear anything either. And besides that, my phone says it has full signal strength."[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "Well den, can you tell me you' name und' address?"[/color]
[color=#FF8888]Me: *tells lady "ma name un' address"*[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "Ok den, he's yo' case numba' *reads off case number*"[/color]

God, I'd type more, but then I'd end up smashing my laptop through the nearest window and then jumping up and down on my cellphone; only problem is, I love my laptop and I need my cellphone to return, so I'll just have to break it down to basics (accent edited out for sanity...my sanity):

[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "Your phone was stripped of its minutes, and you must wait 3-5 business days for a new phone and credited time to arrive. When the new phone arrives, you have 20 days to return the old phone."[/color]
[color=#FF8888]Me: "So do I keep the SIM card? Or do I return that, too?"[/color]
[color=#6A6AFF]Them: "Your phone was stripped of its minutes, and you must wait 3-5 business days for a new phone and credited time to arrive. When the new phone arrives..."[/color]

God, I feel like I was talking to AOL, what with the repeated requests of the same information, "clarifying" everything, and scripted responses...

What a HUGE inconvenience this has become; I'd look for an actual cellphone service like Verizon or Motorola if they didn't cost $40 a month, but as it is with this service I pay $30 for 300 minutes and 60 days of service. Not too bad for a starter phone, and the first month or so I'll find out if I'm getting the best bang for my buck with this pay-as-you-go plan.

Oh! Good news, I got my new 200GB Maxtor drive today! Time to wipe the faulty one and reinstall Windows!